I have been listening to your show for the last, oh I'd say, 8 or 9 months now and I love it. I feel as if I am voyuring into your private life without all the guilt of doing so. :-). Thanks for such an in depth look into your private life!! Anyway, around the time I found your show, I felt disconnected with the Pagan community and I wanted to see how others were incorporating modern life with ancient religion. After listening for some time, I didn't see you upload for quite a while and I thought you were gone, surprisingly one day Pagan Living came up on my Ipod. I was very surprised to hear of your questioning your religion, not judging, just surprised. After listening to this last show a few questions came up in my own mind and I was wondering if you could answer them for the sake of my confusion, because I truly can't grasp the concept of it, so here they are: If you convert to Buddhism, does this mean you no longer believe in spiritual afterlife? How does one who believes in polytheism reform to "no one God" or " God as a earthly concept? Buddha believed that we immediately reincarnate and we might not come back in human form. Another question is, Buddhist are not supposed to drink, smoke, ect. As you know, Pagans love to party!! Who doesn't like a good mulled wine or meade after a Sabbat or Esbat? You mentioned that Buddhism and Paganism do have similarities, but I feel as if they are worlds apart where spirit and soul is concerned. What are your views and beliefs now? I hope I'm not prying too much, I was just wondering and whatever path you find yourself going down, may it bring you inner peace and prosperity. Again, thank you for such an entertaining show. Blessed be always, Shannon

I received this email the other day and thought it relevant to answer but not something I wanted to answer on the show so I figured that perhaps for those who are interested, answering it on this blog would suffice. In my opinion, this email is fantastic and represents a lot of issues and questions about the fundamental nature of religion itself as well as the nature of Paganism. Maybe I will break it into several different posts depending on how long this becomes. A lot of people have written in and thanked me for allowing them to have a glimpse into my private life. This is just an aside, by the way. I feel comfortable in saying what I say because, frankly, it's not very private for me. For many people their spirituality is a private experience, something to be shared with only a few people or even none at all. I never felt that way and have always been pretty open with my spirituality. I have never felt that by me discussing it that it diminishes whatever it is that I believe in my heart. I think mostly because my spirituality has never been anything which could even remotely be explained in words so whether I talk about it or not does not really matter. I am also a constantly evolving human being and I believe powerfully that what I think in my head is never reality, all it is is what I've been conditioned by my environment and perceptions throughout the years. I have the ability to evaluate and reason but without the input from others I will always stay stagnant because my mind is only one half of any given experience. In opening up and discussing my spiritual life I gain the feedback from all of you as well as the ability to just talk myself through it, so that I look at things from both sides of the coin and arrive at a synthesis between the two. There have been things that have happened in what I do consider my private life that have not been discussed on the show and they will remain that way but my spirituality has never been private. I think spirituality itself is something that should be shared with anyone wanting to listen and so I do not withhold any information. So there you go! :-) So as for your question about the spiritual afterlife. I have always had a hard time believing in an afterlife mostly because we have no clue if there really is one, it's entirely based upon faith. That being said there are many Pagan's who believe in reincarnation just as there are many Buddhists who believe in reincarnation so I'm not sure exactly what it is that you are asking. This does, however, bring up a point that, in my study and practice of Zen that have surprised me; just how little we know about Buddhism! There seems to be a main theme of what people know about Buddhists: they meditate (A LOT), believe in reincarnation, do not believe in a Deity and believe that meditation LEADS to "enlightenment". This is about as specific as saying all Pagans dance naked under the full Moon, perform magick and belive in polytheism. Now you know what I'm talking about! There are as many different sects of Buddhism as there are in any other religion and so what most people think is Buddhism are really just little snippets of many different sects of Buddhism. I say this because in Zen the concept of reincarnation is not in the sense that most of us have it, so much so most will tell you that, in Zen, there is no reincarnation. That subject is too lengthy for this post but is closely tied into the Zen philosophy of the Universe being "God" and "form is emptiness and emptiness is form". Typical Zen mindfuck stuff. If you're asking for a personal opinion, I don't believe in reincarnation but again, that is for another post. About drinking. As far as I know in regards to Paganism there is no rule for the promotion of drinking alcohol. Yes, there is the "Cakes & Ale" aspect to ritual but that has always been a lose description and not literal, most open circles for instance will usually use something else especially if children are involved. It is not a requirement that we serve wine or ale during ritual. I, for one, would be wary of any spiritual faith that condones consumption of alcohol as part of its practice in the same way I am wary of any spiritual faith that condones the usageof drugs as part of its practice. I am by no means anti-alcohol, I do enjoy wine and beer (never been a mead fan though). But as part of my spiritual practice it has never even been considered. Zen promotes treating the body with respect and Buddhism as a whole, as we all know, believe that desire it at the root of all suffering. Do not mistake this "desire" for experiences of pleasure but the moment when you attach yourself to something/someone, "desire" for fame/money/power, "desire" for breakfast sandwiches at McDonald's every day, "desire" to think about your past so much you forget to live in today, "desire" for the new Lululemon seaweed yoga pant. This is why the words desire and attachment are oftentimes interchangeable in Buddhist discourse. Desire, in this respect, is anything that is not in balance and that you really can't stop thinking about or do in moderation. So in this respect Buddhism asks a person to not get stinkin' drunk. Is this in direct conflict with Paganism? No. Again, there is nothing in Paganism that tells us that we should or we must imbibe in alcohol to be any more spiritual than if we didn't. Is this in direct conflict with a Pagan lifestyle? Well, far be it for me to make myself unpopular but, in a LOT of cases, yes. It is my belief that Pagans have taken to overindulging to the point that we just look like a bunch of teenagers away from their parents for the first time. But, as in reincarnation, that is better left for another post. However, the topic of alcohol is quite debated as Buddhism asks people to keep their minds and bodies pure and that does include intoxicating itself with alcohol. Buddhists themselves would be the first to tell you that the 10 Precepts (which include to cease drinking/selling alcohol) are guidelines, not hard and fast rules (all with thatattachment thing in mind) and that we need to make the best decisions for our lives at each and every moment. So having a drink or two is not entirely rebuked. As for my views and beliefs now? Well, they haven't really changed, what I've almost always believed I still believe in, it's just that I realized that they are much closer to the Zen traditions than any others I just didn't realize it. I'm an extremely practical person and if my spirituality has nothing to do with the world I am living in right here and right now than I find that I discard it because all we have is right here and right now. I could go into a long discourse on what I do believe but that too is also subject for a longer blog! The concept of a soul is highly debated and so I guess I can't entirely answer that part of your question without knowing what your own definition of a "soul" is. I can also safely say that due to the diversity of the Pagan community, the concept of souls will be different for everyone if you do believe that we all have souls. I believe that what we call "souls" is just that energy that flows through our bodies so that the use of soul/energy is interchangeable. Okay! I think that email was long and I hope it answered your questions somewhat! You raised some really great topics and ideas, ones that I would not be able to answer in their entirety in one email alone. I know you said you came into these podcasts in your own search for integrating your mundane life and your spiritual life and the greatest piece of advice I can give you is to live your live through your personal principles and values. The tools, the spells, the effigies and the music are only just material objects that may help you get into that frame of mind but you won't have tools and effigies at work or in other places. To understand Paganism (or anything spiritual belief for that matter) in your whole being, to me, is the best and only way to be able to integrate it into your life. You need to BE Paganism, your life should be an expression of the values and principles that Paganism holds. You don't need a pentacle necklace or know a bazillion chants or hang out with a coven. Live your life as an expression. When I started to do that that's when I realized that my core principles and values where not entirely Pagan and that's when I started my journey into questioning.

Thank you soooo much for the email and keep in touch!

Ultreya, Therese